Archive for the 'pimping' Category

Exciting! Fast! Easy!

For those of you who read my Welcome to Y-A-O-I (sing it like “Welcome to Miami!”) post and who were curious about my favoritest manga evar “Bukiyou no Silent,” I can cheerfully say the only good thing about Mochi Mochi disbanding is that I am free to redistribute their work — so! Look to the right hand column and spy the Box.Net widget, where you can download the first three chapters of this work without having to dig around on the internet for it. Translated from Japanese to English for your reading pleasure, remember, read:

TOP to BOTTOM
RIGHT TO LEFT

This is what happens when I post at retarded hours when I’m half asleep. Thanks, Rose.

The manga will stay up for a while, but over time, I get the impression that some random things for download may appear in this box, so keep an eye out on it.

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Hot Fuzz, and why Simon Pegg may have to gird his loins should he ever encounter me on a street.

And by “gird his loins,” I mean, brace himself for me roaring up to him with a starry look in my eyes telling him how AWESOME he is in a way that will allow him to hear every single capital letter in AWESOME. Hot Fuzz was amazing and also AWESOME. Minervacat, Triskellita, Darastar, LN and I were nearly in TEARS throughout the movie, although there was considerably more surprised flailing on LN and I’s side of the row since we were seeing it for the first time. Ya’ll, I am not shitting you. At one point, LN had to slap my flailing hands down so I wouldn’t injure her or myself. This is worth the first-run movie tickets; in fact, I’m considering going to see it again with Roommate, who was unfortunately detained by Family Obligations today and could not join us on our discovery of the magicaliciousness of the word “yarp.”

Oh, and also: gayest. movie. buddy-cops. evar.

You see that? I wrote it with an “a” — in italics. That means I’m for hardcore.

Watch this space for Hot Fuzz shenaniganry coming v. v. v. soon.

Can I interest you in a time share in Hawt Ass? — or — coming out of the yaoi closet some more.

It’s one thing to write smut it’s quite another to admit you run around like a 16-year-old Japanese girl looking for anatomically improbable pictures of feminized boys going at it with the magical, self-lubricating asses. (Stop looking at me like that, it’s not like I advocate magical self-lubricating asses.) Still, I figure I’m probably not the only one out there, and since this blog is pretty heavily “loser!” oriented, I might as well share the wealth.

I’ve mentioned it before, but “yaoi” stands for “Yama Nashi, Ochi Nashi, Imi Nashi,” which translates in Japanese to “no climax, no resolution, no meaning,” but is funnier if you say “no ass no money.” It’s a female-dominated genre in Japan and subgenre in America (although increasingly less with the sub as publishers like June and BeBeautiful are bringing smut to you) that focuses heavily on gay banging. What? I just gotta be me.

It’s also a print medium, yaoi anime, while it’s not new, isn’t often found. Whereas your options in terms of images of buttfucking are almost unlimited.

So how do I enjoy this visual, anatomically improbable, magically self-lubricating buttfucking, my friend?

It’s easy! But you’ll need some basic programs to ease your reading pleasure. (See how I refrained from making a “ribbed for her pleasure” joke there? See? I’m growing up! I’m becoming more mature.)

• For PC users: CDisplay is unquestionably the best out there — don’t bother to look at the competition: CDisplay is the best in the business and everything else (yes, even everything I’m about to list below for the Macs) is pretty mediocre compared to it. Nonintuitive at the beginning, but the keystrokes and program are easy to pick up, especially if you use the computer often. Very, VERY easy to use, and the best part? No unzipping your files required — we all love that.
• For Mac users: My best recommendation is FFView, does pretty much the same thing as CDisplay does, but not quite so stripped down and right on the mark. As easy as any other Mac program to use and also does not require you to unzip files in order to view them.

All right, I’m equipped with software, what do I do now?

Firstly, be aware of two things:

(1) In Japan, rape = handshake.
(2) Seriously, I’m not joking about that.

ETA:!!!! GAAAH. I cannot BELIEVE I forgot to mention this: shota = chan If you DO NOT know what chan is, YOU WILL NOT LIKE IT, therefore, you WILL NOT LIKE shota.

When I first started reading yaoi I was like, “Oh my GAWD WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY — oo, that looks kind of interesting.” If you’re easily squicked, tread lightly, there’s questionable consent in almost everything. For reasons beyond my feeble grasp. On the other hand, the art is really gorgeous, and pretty you know. Hawt. Now that you’re appraised of that situation:

Where do I find these magical butt-licious mangas?

Best place to get started without having to commit to learning IRC, navigating the scanlation communities, or, joining the livejournal yaoi_daily community (which I actually recommend you do if you do become interested in this particular smut medium), is to go to SexCrazed Neko’s BL Site, and yes, I’m not shitting you, that is its actual name. Once you get in, click on the link labeled “Hosted DDL Manga” and you’ll hit a file tree of different scanlating groups. Download a file and start up either your CDisplay or FFView and opening the zip directly — welcome to the world imagewhoring.

Some scanlators you’ll want to keep your eye are Nakama (one of the oldest and largest), Obsession and Hochuuami — all excellent groups. I would also recommend you look for Shi-Ran, which was my first experience with yaoi ever, and an amazing primer, they chose fantastic artists to scanlate and are one o fmy favorite groups still, even though they are largely retired. ETA: Someone in the comments brings up she’d only recommend Obsession’s projects to her worst enemies — I’ll be honest: I haven’t really read their stuff, but they are prolific, so, fair warning: at least one person has reservations, so it’s probably going to be more if I had a statistical sampling of the population.

Once you start digging around, you’re going to find more and more out there — and it’s a big community, as big as the written slash community, but if you get hooked on one story or another (COUGH WHERE IS MORE BUKIYA NO SILENT WHY IS IT NOW UNFINDABLE RIGHT AT THE BRINK OF HOT HOT JEALOUSY GOD DAMN IT COUGH) brace yourself that a scan group might close down, or the manga might be licensed (as Harudaki was). Still, it’s good times and good reads, or er, eye candy. And if you don’t believe me, check below the cut for some examples.

ETA: Images should show up now. Stupid tagged image files.

Continue reading ‘Can I interest you in a time share in Hawt Ass? — or — coming out of the yaoi closet some more.’

Full Metal Alchemist, or, “If you’re pissed off and you’d like to express it clap your hands!”

Somebody asked if Full Metal Alchemist, the source of this fanart in question was a good series — folks? I can very confidently say, “Yes. Yes across the board.”

Normally when I recommend things — even things I love a lot — I will caveat them. I would never inflict the tragedies of Witch Amusement or Dal Ja’s Springtime or (God forbid) Smallville or hell, even Supernatural and House to anybody else. Your mileage may vary, but I’ve yet to find anybody who’s given FMA a real chance that didn’t get just as caught up in the wonderful story and personality and heart of the story like I was.

In fact, I liked it so much that I wrote it into Conflicts of Interest and Visiting Hours as fairly major plot slash character points for the main characters — this is a series boys will like. This is a series I have loved. (Just for the record: I have girl parts.)

Backstory

It’s a story about Edward and Alphons Elric, who grow up in a pre-WWI (very approximate guess, you’ll see why in a bit) version of Germany (uh, I think: maybe Austria). The reason I’m having such a hard time pinpointing anything is because they live in a very different reality — one where, yes, while there is science, there is also alchemy, the science of transmutation and equal trade, and while metal still cannot be transmuted into gold — in the hands of a good alchemist, very little else is limited at all. And the military, instead of simply relying on tanks and machine guns, relies on State Alchemists, a cross between a scientist and a soldier and the deadliest of the weapons of the state — known by all and sundry and loathed by many, called “dogs of the military.”

fmababies.jpg In all the art of Ed you’ll see he has “automail,” a metal arm and leg, and in much of the art of his brother, you’ll see a suit of armor wearing a sweatdrop — those mushrooms you ate for dinner are fine: this is what they start off the series looking like. As boys, their father left and they grew up alone in the countryside with their mother — who dies when they’re still very young. And Al and Ed, who are both sort of geniuses, make the worst choice and out of the worst desperation of all: they try something called human transmutation — utterly forbidden, completely taboo, and deadly dangerous. They make an alchemy array to try and bring their mother back to life, but there’s nothing that can be of equal value to their mother’s soul, and in the fallout Ed loses his arm and leg, and Al loses his entire body — and it’s only Ed’s sheer cussedness that manages to trap Al’s soul in a suit of armor instead of losing his brother as well.

Ed is 11. Al is 10.

Today

But that’s all ancient history — the actual narrative story of FMA starts later, when Ed is 15, after he’s taken his genius and passed the extremely difficult State Alchemist exam and been shunted into the immediate service of Colonel Roy Mustang, known near and far as the Flame Alchemist, for his enormously flashy and hugely destructive alchemy concentration. Also known for being a young upstart, devious, dangerously ambitious — and uh, stealing his subordinates’ girlfriends. Roy Mustang is the one who came to Ed and Al’s small country town and recruited them for the military, thinking Ed was actually 31, and with spectacularly shitty timing, right after Ed and Al’s accident. He kept the secret of Al’s disappeared body, of Ed’s missing arm and leg. Ed and Roy’s relationship is…difficult at best, but Roy looks out for them like no one else, supports the Elric brothers’ mission: to find the Philosopher’s Stone and to restore Al’s body.

Uh. There are shenanigans along the way.

(Those of you who know this series and just threw something at the computer screen and yelled, “COP OUT!” I implore you: YOU THINK OF A WAY TO SUMMARIZE THIS SHIT. BECAUSE I SWEAR TO GOD.)

Okay, okay, you’re all thinking: but if you you like it, there have to be some hot pieces of ass in this, right? Right?

You are indeed right. Ladies, ready your drool rags:

gallery_42646_2_8099.jpg Edward Elric, who constantly drives me to shouting, “HE’S 15. OH MY GOD STOP IT. HE IS LIKE 15 TO 16 IN THIS STUPID SERIES. ARRRRGH.” Part of the problem is that there is an ungodly amount of gratuitous nudity in this bitch. Also, how can you resist a guy who can literally transmute his arm and leg into fucking weapons? Look at that enormous God damn armsword.




gallery_42646_6_31937.jpg Colonel Roy Mustang, who I would bang six ways from Sunday and three times on the (Jewish) Sabbath because that’s a double mitzvah! Guys, come ON. He sets shit on fire by snapping his fingers. He blows through the secretarial pool — when he becomes Fuhrer, he’s going to make all the women in the military wear miniskirts! And for those of you who are like, “Well obviously I can’t like him unless he was beaten as a child and cuts himself while crying,” I say, we have that covered, too! He has Deep Emotional Scars from when he was involved in the wars as a State Alchemist on the field — it’s enough to make your Evanescence-listening hearts patter! Also, Jesus, LOOK AT HIM. GOD.



gallery_27366_3_182509.png AND ON THE LIST OF PEOPLE YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO PERVE ON BECAUSE THEY ARE SWEET AND WONDERFUL AND SAVED FOR ANOTHER FEMALE CHARACTER (CANONICALLY ON THE SHOW) AND BECAUSE THEY LIKE KITTENS AND I KNOW ALL OF YOU ARE PERVERTS. LOOK I AM NOT KIDDING. LEAVE AL ALONE. If you watch the anime you will hear the CUTEST VOICE EVAR coming out of an ENORMOUS SUIT OF ARMOR and your heart will just FALL APART in an EFFORT TO KEEP HIM HAPPY AND PURE AND WONDERFUL AND STOCK WITH KITTENS.

Shut up about the characters already — show me more manporn of what we know now to be the CHO-MO SHAG CARPETED RAPE VAN VARIETY.

gallery_42646_5_27857.jpg Fine! God! Fine! As expected, Roy/Ed is the predominant pairing in this fandom (although there is a healthy dose of het pairings and Ed/Al (HEATHENS!!!!!!) is popular as well) — why you ask? Because Roy picks on Ed about his height and is, when Ed is not watching, ridiculously protective of the Elric brothers — because Roy and Ed fight well together, and fight well against one another. Oh, and also, because Ed spazzes out in the most ridiculously I TOTALLY DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU SHUT UP I AM NOT PLAYING KICKBALL WITH YOU AT RECESS!! way every time Roy opens his mouth. Ever. It’s amazing. If you want to go straight to the hilarity and gay, go straight to episode 13 of the series, which makes me crap myself laughing every single time.


Right, okay, now, Japanese fanartist smut! I only wish I knew who were the artists here, I’d love to give them credit, but I’m pulling them from image forums:

06xmasroyedo.jpg 44486e14.jpg ed_roy_isn_t_as_short_as_you.jpg royed5.jpg fma2.jpg

AND OH YEAH: THAT LAST ONE IS NOT FANART. IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER THAT THE TAG ON THE PRESENT SAYS “WINRY.” WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ANIMATORS? WHAT?


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East Coast Gazette has a terrible editorial focus and tends to use a lot of ALL CAPS but TOTALLY NOT BECAUSE OF HARRY POTTER. Stories in progress as well as snapshots will be listed in the "box full of snapshots" below, website archive for stories and assorted tomfoolery is glitterati.

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