Archive for the 'ncis' Category

Dear Ridiculous Crush On Michael Weatherly, So we meet again.

Long, long ago, I sat around in my teeniness and watched Dark Angel and had big, throbby love for Logan Cale, idealistic cyberjournalist (be still my fluttering heart! you need that for having this babies!) WHO WEARS GLASSES and HACKS TV to give messages to a post-apocalyptic populace about the corruptions of their government. Logan was one of my first serious “No seriously, I would give you a drive by blowjob if only you walked past me on the street” victims listmembers, because (a) muckraking, truthseeking, glasses-wearing (nnngh) journalist and (b) Dude, he knows how to live elegantly. I’m going to be spending a lot of time in Seattle this summer wondering if possibly, even though I’d hate for James Cameron to be right about you know, a giant electromagnetic pulse knocking out all computer systems and sundry complications therein, Logan Cale is real? And possibly only canonically four years younger than I am and there for TOTALLY LEGALLY TAPPABLE?

My recent glomming onto NCIS for my hit of procedural drama-ness has resulted in a lot of throwbacks to teenaged fits of lust — which of course sent me trolling for information:

For those of you who have seen NCIS and remember the throwaway line in S1? About some guy who had tons of bank because he was the original importer of Swiss Army Knives into the country? I THINK THAT WAS ACTUALLY MICHAEL’S DAD. HIS MULTIMILLIONAIRE DAD WHO CUT HIM OUT OF THE FAMILY WHEN HE DECIDED TO PURSUE ACTING. SO BASICALLY: DINOZZO IS MICHAEL WEATHERLY.

This is what happens when you think of NO BACKSTORY for a character because it’s a procedural drama! Michael Weatherly worked in the tape library at ABC after being cut off to support his acting habit! He has a son! His son is named AUGUST. I — ! I — ! It’s all too much for me, really. D: D: D: Why haven’t he and I already made babies? I MEAN JUST LOOK AT HIM. GOD.

Of course, thinking about NCIS makes me think about Michael Weatherly makes me think about Dark Angel makes me think about what an APPALLING actress Jessica Alba was and still is to this day. Like seriously, I’m not kidding. Even though that sexual chemistry in the show (mmm) was sizzling off of the screen? She was just so badat everything. Which is only highlighted by the fact that if I’m to get my Michael Weatherly in glasses hit, I have to watch the damn show. Life = difficult.

I hate myself — also — NCIS snapshot, because I could not God damn resist.


NCIS snapshot: hurry up and wait

Continue reading ‘I hate myself — also — NCIS snapshot, because I could not God damn resist.’

I’m trying not to think about how sad it is that I have like, a barometer of media related homosexuality.

Ya’ll, I am seriously only 12 episodes into this NCIS nonsense and really? Really really? Are you kidding me guys? I realized around episode four that Doris Egan was in the producing credits and I was like, “That makes sense. The magical light of gay must follow her like a trail of fairydust wherever she goes.”

The point is, my initial decision to watch NCIS as my procedural drama du jour has been both vindicated and proven poor decision making: it’s not exactly a procedural drama, but on the other hand, it’s quite charming in its own respect — I like the of the crotchety boss who secretly adores his crew, and his mouthy crew who secretly wants to sneak into their boss (Gibbs’) basement and set the boat he’s working on aflame. There’s something so sweet about it all. And oh yeah, THE SHOCKING SCADS OF GAY. I had to rewatch some stuff in blind shock because I was like, “There is no way.” Sadly, there is a way, and in episode 1×06 “High Seas,” DiNozzo (MICHAEL “SHOCKINGLY HAWT” WEATHERLY BY THE WAY) spends the entire time sullen and jealous because Gibbs (MARK HARMON BY THE WAY) is nicer to an ex-employee than he is to DiNozzo — or so DiNozzo thinks.

D: was the face I made when I saw this exchange:

TONY (DINOZZO): You know, in the two years I’ve worked for Gibbs, he’s never shaken my hand once. Never.

STAN BURLEY: I was in the office two years before he even looked me in the eye.

TONY: Really?

STAN BURLEY: Yeah. Three years before he called me by name. Four, till he got it right. By then, I’d actually gotten used to ‘Steve’.

TONY: Huh.

STAN BURLEY: He must really like you.

(pulled from Shadow Anthology episode transcripts)

MY SOUL. GUYS, MY SOUL. Let’s not forget the fond, 5:20 a.m. phone calls from DiNozzo to wake up “Boss” — weeping, I’m weeping here, folks — and how he asks, all affectionate, “Did you fall asleep under that boat you’re working on again?” And Gibbs is all like, “…No.” And DiNozzo is like, “Come on, I recognize the sound of the Morning Farm Report, and the only TV you have in your house is in the basement.” And then there might have been more but I was busy having a little lie down because when you’ve watched like 12 episodes of a boss slapping his young, attractive boytoy subordinate in the back of the head as a disciplinary measure for looking at women, sometimes you need a lie down.

Let me just reinforce to you why I am feeling this pain that I am feeling:

This is Anthony DiNozzo, former Baltimore cop, scion of a wealthy family but obviously got cut off somewhere in the interlude because when his boiler explodes, he has to beg around his coworkers for a place to stay — or PERHAPS that was just a clever way to find his way back into Gibbs’ house! The point is, he’s beautiful and an inveterate flirt and beautiful and he’s hilarious and I kind of wish he’d be my douchebag ex-boyfriend who I still see (a) so he can tell me how hot I am and (b) because he’s kind of good eye-meat himself, you know?

Yeah, that’s DiNozzo waking up with an iguana. I don’t know. All I can say is that Google Imagesearch is a dangerous place my friends — walk carefully.

But more importantly:

That is DiNozzo with Gibbs. Who is his boss. Who is Mark Harmon. Who I have been perving on since the beginning of time, it feels like. Who drew me back into watching the West Wing after ages of feeling betrayed and abandoned during his short run as a Secret Service Agent assigned to CJ in that show who then MADE ME CRY LIKE A MOFO when he was gunned down in a God damned convenience store — and then I broke up with West Wing all over again. It was hard for me. Let’s look at Mark Harmon some more BECAUSE HE IS ALIVE AND NOT A DEAD SECRET SERVICE AGENT I HATE YOU WEST WING:

This was when it got hard — I was initially just looking for screencaptures of Gibbs smacking DiNozzo upside the back of the head, which I find simultaneously adorable and kind of uh hot(t) you know, in a yeah, you better keep me in line sort of UH ANYWAY, but then I kept pulling up all of these YouTube clips — which is how this business all started happening:

I just — I’m making flaily hands here. Because before I watched that one, I watched this one, and this one, that happened while Tony was afflicted with a biotoxin (plague, actually), and this one, which just made me sort of weepy. Come on, folks, COME ON. On the SGA Scale Of Subtextual (Or Really, Not All That Subtextual God SGA Set Designers What Were You THINKING Giving John Floor-Length Glittery Gold Curtains With Fucking Tie-Backs) Homosexuality this totally rates at least a “Tao of Rodney.”

For those curious, I have been reccing good Gibbs/DiNozzo in the last few days, check in the sidebar or click on the link itself to get full tags and descriptions of the recced stories — worth your reading. Or you could forgo the entire exercise and keep watching those damn clips over and over again. Oy.

God damn those procedural dramas. I love them. I love them so much.

I’m three episodes into NCIS and I adoooooore it so far, and I will admit: I love it partially because of Michael Weatherly, who I felt strongly should father my young, and also because I have the mad hots for Mark Harmon, because he should also father my young. I’m just saying. But I think another part of it is that, professionally anyway, I’ve always felt kind of like Tony DiNozzo — we both at least like to pretend we’re getting picked on because people are fond of us. This is what happens when I run out of CSI: Las Vegas to watch, you know, I bust in on NCIS — if I run out of that, I’m down to fucking JAG.


East Coast Gazette has a terrible editorial focus and tends to use a lot of ALL CAPS but TOTALLY NOT BECAUSE OF HARRY POTTER. Stories in progress as well as snapshots will be listed in the "box full of snapshots" below, website archive for stories and assorted tomfoolery is glitterati.

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