AU where Eggsy gets a job checking in on some rich motherfucker that just got home from the hospital and is still in physical therapy for his fine motor functions, so he needs help with meals and sometimes he has a bit of trouble putting his thoughts together but overall, the man on the phone says, they’re mainly just being cautious. Harry’s doing much better than they had expected. 

Given the description–fifty years old and just woke up from a medically induced coma after what Eggsy can only assume was a stroke or summat (note: it was decidedly not a stroke, he finds out later, unless by ‘stroke’ you mean ‘20-caliber bullet aimed directly at the guy’s head’)–Eggsy is really expecting someone who looks, acts, and smells a lot like his grandfather. 

So he is completely thrown for a loop when the person that greets him is none of those things and instead is fit as fuck with perfectly coiffed hair and the air of a man who can take apart a gun in ten seconds flat. 

Oh my God I can’t stop thinking about this.

I assume that Merlin hired Eggsy to be Harry’s aid in his doddering infirmity against Harry’s express protestations and eventually without his knowledge. Merlin cleverly relied on Harry’s ingrained gentlemanly nature to know that if he delivered this caretaker to his front step, Harry would at least entertain their assistance for a single instance before sending them away to call Merlin and shout.

Maybe, unfortunately (or fortunately), just the previous night while whining at Lancelot about Merlin threatening to hire him a HOME NURSE, Lancelot laughed and threatened to send Harry a stripper.

Harry will spend the rest of his natural life protesting that anybody could have got this wrong.


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East Coast Gazette has a terrible editorial focus and tends to use a lot of ALL CAPS but TOTALLY NOT BECAUSE OF HARRY POTTER. Stories in progress as well as snapshots will be listed in the "box full of snapshots" below, website archive for stories and assorted tomfoolery is glitterati.

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