Ya’ll, I am seriously only 12 episodes into this NCIS nonsense and really? Really really? Are you kidding me guys? I realized around episode four that Doris Egan was in the producing credits and I was like, “That makes sense. The magical light of gay must follow her like a trail of fairydust wherever she goes.”
The point is, my initial decision to watch NCIS as my procedural drama du jour has been both vindicated and proven poor decision making: it’s not exactly a procedural drama, but on the other hand, it’s quite charming in its own respect — I like the of the crotchety boss who secretly adores his crew, and his mouthy crew who secretly wants to sneak into their boss (Gibbs’) basement and set the boat he’s working on aflame. There’s something so sweet about it all. And oh yeah, THE SHOCKING SCADS OF GAY. I had to rewatch some stuff in blind shock because I was like, “There is no way.” Sadly, there is a way, and in episode 1×06 “High Seas,” DiNozzo (MICHAEL “SHOCKINGLY HAWT” WEATHERLY BY THE WAY) spends the entire time sullen and jealous because Gibbs (MARK HARMON BY THE WAY) is nicer to an ex-employee than he is to DiNozzo — or so DiNozzo thinks.
D: was the face I made when I saw this exchange:
TONY (DINOZZO): You know, in the two years I’ve worked for Gibbs, he’s never shaken my hand once. Never.
STAN BURLEY: I was in the office two years before he even looked me in the eye.
STAN BURLEY: Yeah. Three years before he called me by name. Four, till he got it right. By then, I’d actually gotten used to ‘Steve’.
STAN BURLEY: He must really like you.
(pulled from Shadow Anthology episode transcripts)
MY SOUL. GUYS, MY SOUL. Let’s not forget the fond, 5:20 a.m. phone calls from DiNozzo to wake up “Boss” — weeping, I’m weeping here, folks — and how he asks, all affectionate, “Did you fall asleep under that boat you’re working on again?” And Gibbs is all like, “…No.” And DiNozzo is like, “Come on, I recognize the sound of the Morning Farm Report, and the only TV you have in your house is in the basement.” And then there might have been more but I was busy having a little lie down because when you’ve watched like 12 episodes of a boss slapping his young, attractive boytoy subordinate in the back of the head as a disciplinary measure for looking at women, sometimes you need a lie down.
Let me just reinforce to you why I am feeling this pain that I am feeling:
This is Anthony DiNozzo, former Baltimore cop, scion of a wealthy family but obviously got cut off somewhere in the interlude because when his boiler explodes, he has to beg around his coworkers for a place to stay — or PERHAPS that was just a clever way to find his way back into Gibbs’ house! The point is, he’s beautiful and an inveterate flirt and beautiful and he’s hilarious and I kind of wish he’d be my douchebag ex-boyfriend who I still see (a) so he can tell me how hot I am and (b) because he’s kind of good eye-meat himself, you know?
Yeah, that’s DiNozzo waking up with an iguana. I don’t know. All I can say is that Google Imagesearch is a dangerous place my friends — walk carefully.
But more importantly:
That is DiNozzo with Gibbs. Who is his boss. Who is Mark Harmon. Who I have been perving on since the beginning of time, it feels like. Who drew me back into watching the West Wing after ages of feeling betrayed and abandoned during his short run as a Secret Service Agent assigned to CJ in that show who then MADE ME CRY LIKE A MOFO when he was gunned down in a God damned convenience store — and then I broke up with West Wing all over again. It was hard for me. Let’s look at Mark Harmon some more BECAUSE HE IS ALIVE AND NOT A DEAD SECRET SERVICE AGENT I HATE YOU WEST WING:
This was when it got hard — I was initially just looking for screencaptures of Gibbs smacking DiNozzo upside the back of the head, which I find simultaneously adorable and kind of uh hot(t) you know, in a yeah, you better keep me in line sort of UH ANYWAY, but then I kept pulling up all of these YouTube clips — which is how this business all started happening:
I just — I’m making flaily hands here. Because before I watched that one, I watched this one, and this one, that happened while Tony was afflicted with a biotoxin (plague, actually), and this one, which just made me sort of weepy. Come on, folks, COME ON. On the SGA Scale Of Subtextual (Or Really, Not All That Subtextual God SGA Set Designers What Were You THINKING Giving John Floor-Length Glittery Gold Curtains With Fucking Tie-Backs) Homosexuality this totally rates at least a “Tao of Rodney.”
For those curious, I have been reccing good Gibbs/DiNozzo in the last few days, check in the del.icio.us sidebar or click on the link itself to get full tags and descriptions of the recced stories — worth your reading. Or you could forgo the entire exercise and keep watching those damn clips over and over again. Oy.